| Round
One: Roomates
by Bradley Hunckler
College
can be great; living with your roommate can be
a nightmare. But wait... before you throw in the
towel, take some tips from these real students
who survived round one of the "Roommate Battle..."
Chrissy
Cortez, a freshman at Indiana University (IU),
Bloomington, IN, is getting adjusted to her new
life on campus. She's attending classes, meeting
new friends, and growing as an individual. When
she first arrived on campus, however, things weren't
so peachy.
Chrissy
arrived at IU as every new student does with
the hopes of making new friends. And, just like
every other college student, the first person
she met was her roommate. She had hoped this would
be a chance for an instant new friend, someone
with whom to attend parties. It turned out to
be the exact opposite. Chrissy and her roommate
went the distance about everything from room cleanliness
to visitors.
"We
didn't really do anything to break the ice,"says
Chrissy, "in retrospect we probably should
have tried harder to get along. I tried to be
nice at first but she didn't, and the communication
between us eventually shut down."
 Being
mismatched with a roommate is a common campus
situation, but it doesn't have to ruin your experience.
What can spell the difference between a great
roomie relationship and an awful one, is the preparation
and work that needs to be put in by both individuals.
And, of course, being open-minded doesn't hurt!
Before
The First Day
Making
a positive first impression starts long before
you actually meet your roommate face-to-face.
"I would recommend both personally and professionally
to reach your roommate before you come down to
school," says Bethany Hobbs of Ohio State
University's student resident housing program.
"It gives you a chance to talk to each other
and find some common ground." Universities
ship a package about a month prior to your arrival
on campus with information you'll need to do this.
Placing a simple telephone call or sending an
e-mail or two before school starts will make your
transition much easier.
The
University at Buffalo (UB) goes a step further
by providing several exercises to identify possible
differences. This way, solutions can be addressed
before problems ever arise. The "Getting
Acquainted" exercise is broken down into
several questions based on background, study style,
emotional style, lifestyle, housekeeping, and
guests.
UB's
background questions provide simple insight about
where students are from, what their interests
are, and about their family life. Study style
helps to set rules about when studying time will
be and the kind of conditions to be provided,
for example, whether or not music will be allowed.
Emotional
style queries ask students whether they prefer
being alone and if they are more passive than
aggressive. Lifestyle questions reveal feelings
about religion, sex, relationships, even lending
or borrowing clothes. Housekeeping determines
a person's neatness or messiness quotient, and
can assist in working out a system to keep the
room to both such satisfactions. Finally, guest
questions determine how often and how many guests
will be allowed to hang out, as well as whether
or not they will be permitted to stay the night.
 Meeting
the roommate
The first thing you'll notice when you walk into
the dorm, even if you haven't yet met your roommate,
is the lack of space. In order for you and your
roommate to get along, you need to respect each
other's space. Your first important decision is
choosing which bed, desk, and closet to take;
it's best if you wait for your roommate to arrive
before you start unpacking.
"If you take the bottom bunk, it is most
common to take the desk furthest from you,"
says Dan Cortez, a senior at Indiana University.
"Choosing the bottom bed means a certain
convenience for you; if you take the furthest
desk, you will allow a convenience to your roommate.
It shows respect."
Second, once you meet your roommate, do so with
an open mind. "Keep in mind that many people
come from very different backgrounds," says
Dan. "Always follow the golden rule and treat
people as you would want to be treated."
Understand that for you and your roommate to be
friends, you don't have to do everything together.
It's
a good idea to get to know your roommate well
in the beginning of the year. Doing so will help
the adjustment process. Once the adjustment is
over and you are comfortable with your surroundings,
feel free to branch out on your own and meet new
friends. This will allow for you and your roommate
to enjoy separate lives and reduce the risk of
tension in your living area.
Setting
up the rules
Once
you and your roommate get to know each other,
UB is one of many schools that suggests signing
a roommie contract. This agreement outlines the
specific areas discussed in the "getting
acquainted" exercise. Some areas to include
are guests, studying hours, music levels, smoking,
cleanliness, and communication. This will help
to settle disputes that may arise in the future.
A roommate contract can be done involving just
the both of you, but it is recommended to allow
a floor resident assistant to help draft and file
the contract.
 Dealing
with problems
Chrissy
recalls coming home from classes one day to find
her roommate had left the room in shambles. "I
hate when this happens. She is so inconsiderate,"
Chrissy says, and proceeds to throw all the clothes
to the other side of the room. Jeans, shirts,
bras, and underwear, were being kicked to the
other corner away from her desk. "Just because
she doesn't have any friends, doesn't mean that
I won't bring friends here once in a while."
The problems between her and her roommate are
obvious.
Many
roommates have a positive experience during their
time together, but occasionally, like in Chrissy's
case, two people will be mismatched and argue
throughout the year.
Sometimes
problems between roommates cannot be worked out.
In these cases, it might be beneficial if one
roommate moved out, but there is a process Hobbs
recommends following before switching rooms. "You
need to first talk out your problems with the
resident assistant on your floor," says Hobbs.
"Many problems are worked out there."
If these problems cannot be resolved, then a meeting
with the hall director should be scheduled. If
that doesn't help, you need to continue your way
up the supervisory scale, says Hobbs, until you
will eventually reach the director of resident
life. At Ohio State, the person to reach is Jenny
Klein.
Klein
says about 5,500 undergraduate students live in
the dorms each year. Of those, they receive 250
transfer requests each year. Although all of the
requests will eventually get approved, Klein says
sometimes students wind up resolving their problems,
since they don't want to go through the trouble
of moving when space becomes available.
Are
there any positives?
Although
once in a while two students don't get along,
for the most part, the majority of students don't
face this problem. There are exciting aspects
in meeting a new roommate, says Klein. "Living
with someone you don't know gives you a chance
to start fresh with no preconceived notions."
In fact, she adds, "People who have known
each other for years sometimes make assumptions
about their roommates that end up causing terrible
arguments.
This is an important time in your life -- be excited
for the change. "If you live with a stranger,
you might make a new best friend," says Klein.
"Take a chance and have an open mind. For
many college grads, their best memories include
their roommates." |
